All 10 Goals In That Bonkers Third-Place Match, Ranked

There's probably no reason for the World Cup third-place match to exist.

Unlike the Olympics, when a coveted bronze medal is at stake, third place at the World Cup doesn't offer much to teams.

By and large, these matches tend to involve mentally checked-out players mainly concerned with avoiding an injury so that they can fully relax once they get to the beaches and/or yachts they will spend the next several weeks sitting on, where they will nurse the pain from the semifinal loss and rest up ahead of another long club season.

Because of that lack of stakes and interest, the quality of play in these games, especially on the defensive side, is usually at an all-star game level.

Those less-than-intense conditions are exactly what made England-France on Saturday so wonderfully stupid to watch.

At the end of a hot and humid afternoon in Miami, England clinched its first-ever third-place finish at a World Cup with a scoreline of 6-4, after a match that was an orgy of offense.

Defense was indeed optional and broadly eschewed by both teams, first by France for the entirety of the first half and then by England in an 18-minute French burst to start the second half.